Are You Cheating on Your Guy?

6 reasons to stop—right now.

-Amber Madison

Who cheats more – men or women? Most people wouldn’t hesitate to say men. Websites, magazines and talk shows offer more than enough advice: What should you do if he cheats on you? What are the signs he’s cheated or is in the middle of a full-blown affair? How can you get over it? Should you get over it? And then there are the sensational stories: Bill Clinton, Eliot Spitzer, John Edwards, David Letterman.

                       Read 6 Signs Your Guy is Cheating

Meanwhile, we categorize women as relationship-oriented, the ones who wanted the commitment, wouldn’t do anything to compromise it, and certainly wouldn’t knowingly sabotage it. But though it’s not considered the norm, women cheat too— much more often than people realize. The numbers vary depending on the study, but the majority report that women cheat almost as often as men. If you’re having an affair, here are some issues you need to think about:

1. Why are you cheating?
As a woman, you might find it difficult to face the fact that you’re unhappy in your relationship. We grow up hearing that girls should fantasize about weddings, that it’s important to find a husband, and that one of our ultimate goals should be having a family. Some of us jump into those commitments too soon, or without taking the time to think about whether we really want them.

If you are truly happy in your relationship, then chances are you won’t want to cheat. But if you’re cheating, your relationship is in real trouble. Maybe it’s because you’re having personal issues with the idea of commitment, or maybe it’s because you and your man have grown apart. Whatever the problem, cheating isn’t going to fix it.

2. What are you trying to solve?
Think about what you want from your affair: Sex? Intimacy? Affection? Understanding? Then, if you want to save the relationship you’re in, you have to talk about those relationship problems with your guy. “Too many women talk to their husband about a problem, and then when he does nothing, they just move on,” says Kristina Gordon, Ph.D., co-author of Getting Past the Affair. “If your husband isn’t responding when you talk about your needs, don’t be afraid to bang him over the head with it and be very demanding.”

3. Do you want to stay in the relationship?
You’re not helping anyone out by trying to work through problems in a relationship you don’t want. Barbara Feld, LCSW, a couple’s therapist at Park Avenue Relationship Consultants, suggests asking yourself: “Is this affair a way out of the marriage? Am I leaving clues behind because I want to get caught?”

If you do want out, don’t wait for your husband or boyfriend to catch you cheating. Have the guts to end the relationship in a way that is more direct, and less hurtful.