God help us, Betty readers, someone better step things up on American Idol tonight. The first six hours of singing this season have been interminable, with bright spots few and far between. We're trying to put on a brave face, but we need a talent boost, stat, to get us awake and dialing once again. Will the top 10 girls be our saviors?

Now that we've put the evening in the appropriately dire context, let's see, shall we?

Crystal Bowersox

Mamasox is out of the hospital and singing first. Her top-secret background info is that she has a "square" twin named Carl. Hey, if that means he's dreadlock free, that's cool with me! Crystal's song choice is decidedly different this week: she's gospeling up Creedence Clearwater Revival's "As Long as I See the Light." Wow, we don't know what landed her in hospital -- it's mysteriously been glossed over -- but it can't have had anything to do with her voice. She sounds wonderful, and unlike last week, memorable. Randy loves her, Ellen thinks she has raw talent, Kara says she's hit a new level, and Simon admits that he "misunderestimated" her.

...Which must be some combination of misunderstanding and underestimating that hasn't made our dictionaries yet.

Read American Idol: The Top 12 Guys Perform

Haeley Vaughn
Headband-making Haeley Vaughn is a secret crafter, which is SERIOUS PROBLEM facing America's youth today. Just you wait, the Lifetime movie is forthcoming. She sings the very age-appropriate Miley Cyrus ditty "The Climb." Admittedly, our Miley knowledge is limited to "Party in the USA" (moving our hips like YEAH) so we can't tell you exactly how this stacks up to the original but we're guessing: flatter. She's under a lot of these notes, and it's a shame, because this was probably a good "song choice," as the judging types might say. Randy calls it excruciating, Ellen tells her to keep on smiling, Kara says people are rooting for her but she isn't ready, and, finally, after pretending he won't pile on, Simon does.

And then Haeley, full of self-doubt and seeking control, waited until no one was looking, superglued a fake flower to a barrette, and breathed a sigh of relief.

Secret crafting callback, FTW!

Lacey Brown
OMG, more crafting from the ladies of Idol -- Lacey's into antique "refurbishing." Don't let these girls near your scrap drawer, y'all, you'll end up with checkerboards and ribbon all over. Last week Kara told Lacey she has a Sixpence None the Richer vibe, so the quirky redhead is going for it and singing "Kiss Me." It actually is a great choice, if a little copycat, and once she gets comfortable moving around the stage (or to be accurate, more comfortable), this is a pretty good performance. We still don't think Lacey's going much further, but it should get her through another week. Randy calls it karaoke, Kara says she needs to take it another step further, and Simon says she's nice, but not an artist.