7 Signs Your Partner is a Sex Addict
How to tell if your partner needs help.
While it remains to be seen whether Tiger Woods will address his recent stint in a rehab facility when he finally addresses the press tomorrow, it’s clear that his reported exploits with numerous partners over the past few years has catapulted the disease known as sex addiction onto front pages across the country. But despite its tabloid-ready elements and the fact that it’s become a staple of late-night comics, it’s important to remember that sex addition can be a very real and serious problem for those who suffer from it — as well as the people around them. Do you have concerns about your partner? Here, seven signs that sex addiction could be the problem.
1. Logging long hours online
If your partner is getting cozier with his laptop than he is with you, this could be a red flag. But what indicates excessive use? “Excessive use would be if you feel cheated on because he is always looking at pornography instead of having sex with you,” says Los Angeles sex therapist Alexandra Katehakis, who specializes in sex addiction and is the clinical director of the Center for Healthy Sex. She adds that “all guys look at porn,” but when it causes a disruption in your relationship, that’s a major warning sign.
2. Solely surfing for sex
When you borrow your partner’s computer, does the history show nothing but sex sites? “If there is an occasional porn site, that’s average,” says Katehakis. “But if there is nothing but sex, there is likely a compulsion going on,” she adds. So if your lover is looking at fantasy football, stock market quotes, shopping on Amazon and looking at the occasional naked lady, no worries. If it’s all sex, all the time, that’s a problem.
3. Being unfaithful — and often
If you suspect your partner is having an affair, this doesn’t mean he’s a sex addict — it could just mean he’s a cad. But multiple affairs at increasing costs to both your partner and your relationship is a sign of addiction. “When someone is having affairs with one person after another, and it ruins their career, their marriage and/or their lives, that goes beyond being a jerk,” says Katehakis. Prime example: Tiger Woods’ reported behavior.
4. Not stopping — even if he wants to
Whether it’s infidelity, porn or masturbation, the inability to control the behavior is a classic sign of addiction. “A lot of people can drink socially and they aren’t an alcoholic,” says Katehakis. Likewise, she points out “a lot of people can look at porn or go to a strip club, but it ends there.”