5 Warning Signs That a Guy Has Mom Issues
Want to know what a guy really thinks about women? Watch how he acts with his mom.
Mother’s Day has come and gone. Some of us spent time with our moms, some of us tried desperately to duck out of spending any time at all with them. Each of us has spent time thinking about them over the holiday and how they shaped us into the women we are now. And so it goes with guys. Moms are the first females they encounter. They are their first love. By watching mom, they learn a lot about women. Moms help shape a guy’s psycho-sexual development. If the mom is too close emotionally to her son (hello mama’s boy!), or too distant (hello playa!), the adult guy has issues. Relax! Most moms don’t attempt to either take out their anxieties on their kids or use their son as a substitute husband. Normal moms and there’s a lot of them, have normal sons. This is why most guys like us and don’t either want to use us as an emotional punching bag or as a substitute mom.
How do you know what type of guy you’re dating? Although you may be at the very beginning of a relationship, you can pick up a lot clues about your guy and his relationship with his family. All you have to do is listen and pay attention. Really pay attention and don’t make excuses about his behavior (you know what we’re talking about). If the clues indicate a bad relationship with mom, you may want to bail rather than reenacting it a few months down the road.
1. Constant contact
If your guy is on the phone daily with mom or seems to spend most of his spare time with her, you’ve got a mama’s boy. You’re either going to have to deal with the fact that mom will always come first, fight mom in a cage match for the guy, or walk away. Sorry – the scenario in the movie Think Like A Man doesn’t apply in real life.
2. No contact
If the guy never, ever, ever contacts his mom, yup there’s a problem. Before you run into the night, try to find out what happened. Could it be that his mother is in jail for insider trading? Could it be that she and dad are on around the world cruise? Or could it be something else? Find out. If he’s not talking to her because he’s always had a rocky relationship with her, start asking questions about his ex-girlfriends. If they were all bad girlfriends, this guy doesn’t like women. No matter how charming he may be in the beginning, he really doesn’t like women. He’s not a wounded lion; he’s not someone you “make better.” Seriously If he says something disparaging to you about women, then tells you that you’d never be like that, that’s a BIG hint. Put on your sneakers and run.
3. Thank you
If a guy gets help from his mom and says “Thanks,” he’s a keeper. If she helps him and he acts like he expected her to do it and no thanks are needed, then he’ll act that way with you. If something goes wrong and he expects mom to always jump in and clean up the mess, he’s going to expect you to do that too. It’s a little thing called “respect,” and if he doesn’t respect his mom, he doesn’t respect you and in truth, he doesn’t respect himself.
One thing I learned early on when I started to date was to listen to guys talk about their friends and family. If they shared funny stories and talked affectionately about their buds, parents and siblings, I totally wanted more than one date. If I heard a litany of complaints about friends and family, it made me wonder what the guy was saying about me behind my back. Then I stopped dating them. Look, no one’s perfect, but if everyone is an idiot or is against them, you have to wonder how they view EVERYONE. No one wants to get stuck with a guy who’s constantly resentful. And there are some people who just love to be unhappy. A guy who’s always whining, bad mouthing and just a pain is a guy who hasn’t grown up. And no, mom probably didn’t have anything to do with his personality. For all you know, she’s turned herself inside out trying to make him happy.
5. Not my fault
If a guy blames everything that has ever gone wrong in his life: from not being picked as a “tree” in a school play to not getting the perfect vacation as a grad gift from his parents, specifically his mom, move on. He’s not taking ownership of his life and he needs. No mom in her right mind is going to run around trying to take care of everything and make everything perfect for him. It’s possible that he can’t do a tree impression and if he really wanted to go around the world after he graduated, he would have found a way. Mom is neither a punching bag nor a fairy with a magic wand.
Have I ever cut and run? Yup, and sometimes in the middle of a first date. If I’m sitting across from a 30-something guy having drinks in a bar, and he’s moaning about his mom, this doesn’t make him attractive to me. And I think it wouldn’t make him attractive to 99 percent of the women out there. Truthfully the warning signs are waving at you from the very beginning. What you have to do is to put the breaks on sexual attraction or that romantic day dream you’re having and open up your ears.
If you’re on a first date with a guy and he’s regaling you with funny stories about his family, ask for more! And start trading a few silly ones yourself.
PJ Gach is Senior Editor: Style + Beauty at BettyConfidential.