5 Signs He Isn’t Over His Ex
Back by popular demand! You loved this article on how to tell if he is over his ex or not.
-Kathryn H. Cusimano
Do you ever get the feeling that there are three people in your relationship – you, your guy and his ex? Does he still talk or email with her often? Or maybe he holds an unhealthy grudge, or seems preoccupied with what she’s doing now? If any of these scenarios sound familiar, it may mean that he hasn’t completely let go yet. How can you tell if he’s not really over his ex? Tina B. Tessina, PhD, psychotherapist and author of Money, Sex and Kids: Stop Fighting About the Three Things That Can Ruin Your Marriage offers five warning signs:
1. He wasted no time before jumping into his next relationship. If you started dating this guy shortly after his latest breakup, there’s a good chance he’s not completely over his ex – no matter what he says. “There are hopes and dreams we have when we get into a relationship that we lose when we lose that relationship,” says Tessina. “It takes some time [to get over those things].” She points out that men often avoid the grieving process that follows a breakup, even though it can be instrumental in helping them assess the relationship and move on. “You want to be sure he can talk about it – that he can analyze it a little bit, and can say what went wrong and what went right and what part he played in what went wrong.” But even if he isn’t quite there, it doesn’t mean your relationship is doomed. As Tessina explains, “It just means you need to understand that he still has some processing to do, and he’s probably going to do some of it with you.”
Read Should You Friend Exes on Facebook?
2. He fell for you before his relationship ended. These are men like John Edwards and Tiger Woods, who tell you their previous relationships are over or broken, but they still go home to their wives or girlfriends. It sounds obvious, but these guys are bad news. “It doesn’t matter if he says the relationship is bad,” Tessina says. “He has a cheating mentality.” And if he cheats on her, he probably wouldn’t have a problem with cheating on you. Even if he does eventually leave his wife or girlfriend – a very big if, by the way — and you’re willing to give it a go with this guy, he literally hasn’t had any time on his own to process the demise of that previous relationship so you could run into the same problems as in #1, above. Bottom line: This is probably not someone you want to be with.
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My partner is still attracted to his ex. I have recently decided to back off because of the issues I have been going through. The last episode put the icing on the cake when I found out he was making committments such as picking up her daughter from school behind my back. They way I found out was crazy. I just happen to be in the right place at the right time and found out more than I needed to know. His ex brings him food to his job, she is constantly texting, and calling him and he tells me he sees no harm. Finally I had decided enough was enough and after I blasted him, I told him I was done. Now mind you this chick called me on my cellphone after getting my number from his phone and pretty much TRIED to blast me but I told her whatever issue she had, she needed to take it up with him. What happened I have no clue. As for me, I am done. I am too old for this juvenile behavior. This man has TOO MUCH baggage. I also found out that he is still married and this girl is not even his wife. He had the nerve to tell me that I had no right to come off on him the way that I did. The man has lost his mind.
This is good advice! Ex’s can be a sticky topic, but I think it’s best to be open about them.
Sorry to hear that, BabyGirl45, that’s a tough situation. There are times when it’s possible to work through those issues, but it sounds like your guy just isn’t up for it. Go on to live the life you deserve without him!
Both myself and a good friend of mine have started our relationships with our husbands while they were getting over their first wives. Not something for most women. But, it worked for us because in our hearts we were committed to them already, before we were married. And so, it was tough alot of the time, to know that the person you are with is grieving someone else, it sometimes felt like he loved his ex more than me, but I had to remind myself that you can’t compare. It’s apples/oranges. If you are strong and confident in yourself, than you can be there for your boyfriend while he’s going thru his process like you would a friend. Don’t push, let him do it in his own time and he will see you for the awesome woman you are. Now granted, in both my case and my friend’s, our boyfriends weren’t in contact at all with their exes and wanted nothing more to do with them. That’s half the battle, if they were it might be a different story.
if he keeps talking about his ex during your dinner! thats a no no!
How about when your wife is still in contact with her X (we have been married fro 6 yrs). We have 2 dogs, one dog was bought by her X, this dog has been sick, so far he has been giving her money 2x, calls him 2 or 3 times a month, when she has our dogs groomed, she calls him the night before, then as soon as she drops the dogs off, she calls him.(I assume she visits him??) She says he will always be her friend, and see’s nothing wrong. Oh, by the way, she has me sleep in the back room, have moved my cloths to the back, and sex??? no sex,not for months.
A mi me paso lo mismo de infiel, despues que tuve con mi pareja varios anos todo bien asta que,todo enpeso con chismes asia mi yo pues pence que eso no puede ser que eso era cosas de mujeres,peus no tenia otra acternativa que envestigar,cuado se me ocurio de aser argo, porque no avia intimidad ase 3 meses,yo pues de poner un pescado, de que fartara la toalla en el toellero,para llamarla y sedusirla,y todo salio a ser la verdad me nego como su marido,y salio coriedo de la casa como una loca sin aser nada,luego como a las 8 am se fue para la calle y viene a llamar a las 5 pm de la tarde de que supuestamente estaba pasiando con la mama argo vien planiado y si le cueto lo otro se mueres de tristesa porque no vale la pena ablar de eso, por eso ay que tener cuidado con estas personas que parentan de ser cristianos y estan vestidos, y de tras son lobos,ay lobos y lobas mucho cidado con las caritas de piedad asi enpiesa todo.
As someone who has been divorced since 1997 and whose ex husband found her (me) in 1999 and has not ceased to stalk me I can tell you that yes his current wife who is aware of his activities should have a talk with him. I am not in contact with him yet he continues to follow me every where I go I have moved 3 times and he still follows me. I have even switched dialysis clinics, this is my third clinic I drive to the next county and he still follows me. He left me in 1996 saying he did not want to be married to me any more, so three months later I filed for divorce, something I do not believe he expected me to do. He still talks very badly about me as if his abandoning me only occured just a few months ago, until they find out that I divorced him and it was finalized in Oct 1997, that he does not tell any one, according to him I am the worst person in the world and our deceased child was not fathered by him which is not true she died shortly after she was born with multiple birth defects. She is an innocent and should not have been brought into this. But the thing is why won’t he leave me alone, restraining orders do no good, the cops are worthless in doing there job, he has repeatedly broken into my apartment and stolen from me, he is wearing the jeans and shoes that he stole from me and yes they are womens jeans and shoes. He refers to me to others as “that old black bitch” he is white and I am black, I know that it is easier to believe soomething bad about someone black when someone white is doing the telling. Trust me if he is still talking about the ex the way he is about me then he is an abuser and will not let go, leave him. He cannot get over the fact that the ex is not comming back and is trying to move on with her life. A life with out him and he cannot handle it, he thoughr he was doing the leaving when in fact the ex has left him, hence he is the one who got dumped. If they are still talking about the ex, following the ex, stalking the ex, like I am being stalked, they will not love you and do not love you. You are merely a convience for them. As for me, I am waiting to enter law school. I am not and will never go back to this man one would think that by now he would realize that I am not his wife and could care less about him. He is only making his current wife miserable, yet does not care. He left me for her so live your life and let me live mine. After law school I will be moving to another part of the country, and since I have a valid passport even a nother country. Maybe that will give him a clue. If your ex is still having contact in any form or fashion in any way with his ex by stalking or non stalking saying they are friends, you should move on and live your life. Male or female the ex will never leave the one they left for you. Move on and be happy, that is what I am doing, he cannot control me, one day he will get his. He sleeps around on her just like he did with me, he met her before he left me, and unsafe sex is extremely dangerous. I got lucky and was not given anything, she cannot say that.
Peterracer, Red flags all over the place. Trying to find the right words for you. I think you need a marriage counselor. If she won’t go, go by yourself. You can’t continue this way. What do you want out of the relationship? Best of luck.
i don’t know for how long, but i ruined it by getting p’od about him talking about his ex and now he won’t bring her up -thinking i’ll get mad. i waited some time and told him that if he needed to talk about her that i wouldn’t get upset. He’s brought her name up a few times and i’ve remained neutral. Just listening. i don’t know what to do. He needs to talk about this, with me. We’ve been together 5 months. And i didn’t know it until i was hooked that he had just left her 2 weeks before we had started talking.
I am currently married to a man who was so hung up on his ex, the woman he was cheating on his wife with and then met me in the divorce. It was a long distance relationship and while we were date he was always worried about her and her stability. I got so sick of it and told him go visit her and then call me after you haved determined her stability and health. I will NOT be a mistresses mistress to a marriage. I am a faithful woman and mother. We have been together 4 years now and both of his exs hate us… But my ex is ok.
OMG! this article describes a man I’ve dated for 3 years. he follows his ex on twitter, since we started dating, talks about her like she’s sitting with us, and never wants to put our status as ‘in a relationship’on his fb page.
ok so the issue I have is I have been married to my husband for three years now we have been together for four, and I just found out about three days ago that he had been in contact with his ex that I didn’t even know was his ex because he lied about who she was to me! Well anyways something kept bugging me lately so I decided to hack into his old myspace page, and while doing so I discovered that he had been writing back and forth to her and he told her that he loved her so much and that he don’t know what it is but he couldn’t stopped thinking about her ( now they broke up because her brother told her that she had been cheating on my husband, so my husband ended it with her) he also asked her why she had cheated on him, and she told him she didn’t her brother lied and that she loved him so much when she was with him. After she told him that he told her he loves her so much and he just cant stop thinking about her, now all of this happened a few months before we got married and ended two months after we was married only because his ex told him she didn’t want to write to him no more because it was unfair to me and disrespectful to me and she didn’t want to do that to me and that he had already told his mom that he wouldn’t leave me for nothing and that he had her completely confused and that was the end of their conversation. Even thou that was 3 years ago it still bugged me a lot so I flipped out on him like all hell broke loose. H e kept saying he was in a really bad place at the time and he didn’t mean it that it shouldn’t of happened that he’s sorry and he loves me and our boys and that the last thing he ever wanted to do was hurt me and that he would do anything to make it right. I told him to right her and tell her what he just told me if that’s the truth and he agreed and he said he would write her in front of me after work, but now idk if it’s such a good idea because me and her is actually friends now we have been for about two years and she really sweet and she did nothing wrong she put him in his place and idk if I should have him do that anymore what should I do? And how do I know if he is telling the truth and if he still loves her? Help me please if you can
ok so the issue I have is I have been married to my husband for three years now we have been together for four, and I just found out about three days ago that he had been in contact with his ex that I didn't even know was his ex because he lied about who she was to me! Well anyways something kept bugging me lately so I decided to hack into his old myspace page, and while doing so I discovered that he had been writing back and forth to her and he told her that he loved her so much and that he don't know what it is but he couldn't stopped thinking about her ( now they broke up because her brother told her that she had been cheating on my husband, so my husband ended it with her) he also asked her why she had cheated on him, and she told him she didn't her brother lied and that she loved him so much when she was with him. After she told him that he told her he loves her so much and he just cant stop thinking about her, now all of this happened a few months before we got married and ended two months after we was married only because his ex told him she didn't want to write to him no more because it was unfair to me and disrespectful to me and she didn't want to do that to me and that he had already told his mom that he wouldn't leave me for nothing and that he had her completely confused and that was the end of their conversation. Even thou that was 3 years ago it still bugged me a lot so I flipped out on him like all hell broke loose. H e kept saying he was in a really bad place at the time and he didn't mean it that it shouldn't of happened that he's sorry and he loves me and our boys and that the last thing he ever wanted to do was hurt me and that he would do anything to make it right. I told him to right her and tell her what he just told me if that's the truth and he agreed and he said he would write her in front of me after work, but now idk if it's such a good idea because me and her is actually friends now we have been for about two years and she really sweet and she did nothing wrong she put him in his place and idk if I should have him do that anymore what should I do? And how do I know if he is telling the truth and if he still loves her? Help me please if you can