I know men. I date them. I am one. I stare at them when they’re at work on high-rise construction sites. So, who better to tell you what goes on inside the male mind on a first date? And I’m gonna tell it to you straight. Well, as straight as I can.

First dates are tricky for all of us. (Full disclosure: I recently went on an outing with a guy with zero conversation skills, only to later find out he was deaf and that I mumble too much to allow for proper lip reading.) Still, there are a few things all types of men agree on, straight, gay and mumblers alike:

1. Don’t be phone-y.
Prior to the actual date, keep communications with your new potential soul mate to a minimum. This may seem counter-intuitive, since we’re all eager to size up the interests of our new crush (I took the deaf guy to a jazz concert – ooops!) and are dying to figure out if this is the man who will make us breakfast in bed for the rest of our lives. But too many phone calls or emails too early on can read as desperate or clingy, and may leave you with nothing to talk about when you two do finally meet. Instead, settle the logistics of the date in a fun-yet-efficient manner and go about your very busy life, safe in the knowledge that you’re saving all the best parts of yourself (and your life) till you’re actually face-to-face.

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2. Tight isn’t always right.
Time for a little tough love from a guy who still tries to squeeze into the jeans he bought before his latest four-month romance with Haagen Dazs. Ladies, it’s OK to be who you are on a date and wear clothes that fit. Be comfortable! As dumb as guys sometimes act, they can sense when you’re trying too hard or aren’t comfortable with yourself. That’s just not sexy – and a way bigger turn-off than even the blandest of pantsuits. Here’s a rule to live by: If 20 minutes after putting a garment in the hamper you can still see the imprint it left behind, it’s not appropriate first-date attire!