In the News
TMZ's photo of Rihanna, just after her "alleged" beating by Chris Brown, breaks my heart. I'm not old enough to be Rihanna's mother, but I do have my own little girl, and I can't help but relate to it as a mommy. She looks so sad -- was my first thought, before even taking in her painful-looking abrasions, her bruises and swelling. Sad, vulnerable, and hurting - every mother's worst nightmare for her daughter.
Next of course, comes anger - how could someone do this?! And yet, someone did. And yet, someone does - this and worse - all the time, every day.
The day Chris Brown released his public apology, BettyConfidential.com polled our readers about what they thought. Only one person thought Rihanna should accept his apology. The majority (55 percent) felt she "should prosecute him to the full extent of the law and his career should be over." The rest (44 percent) agreed she should not accept the apology "but if he reforms, the public should forgive and forget."
That really is the question, isn't it? What happens next?
Right now Rihanna's laying low, back home with her family in Barbados, her 21st birthday overshadowed by the drama. Her face, of course, will heal much faster than her heart or her spirit. I wonder what's she's feeling ... anger? Embarrassment? Heartache ... maybe she misses him. Us Weekly is reporting she feels "torn" over helping the police build their case. As so many battered women would attest, it can take more that an episode of violence - even brutal violence - to make love disappear.
And, so far we don't have definitive word about what charges, if any, will be brought against Chris Brown - himself so young (another mother's heartache). There are rumors that he's facing a felony charge of attempted murder; for sure it looks like his promising career is over.
It's easy to sit on the sidelines and cast judgment - not just on Chris Brown, but on Rihanna. She "should" speak out, she "should" press charges ... It can't be easy to be so famous, and to suddenly have your American Dream story take a nightmarish turn, to suddenly represent all the world's battered women.
Can Chris Brown "reform?" Can he ever be sorry enough? Is redemption possible? There are no easy answers. One woman can't represent all women. The only thing I do know ... if she were my daughter, I'd want to hunt him down and break his neck.
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So yes, if she is able to forgive him, it will serve all, including herself. Does that mean leave her heart (and body) open to him -- obviously it does not mean that. But forgiveness itself is POWERFUL. It is TANGIBLE.
I pray to forgive and to be forgiven -- but a higher call goes out sometimes, in the best moments, to love those "enemies" -- at the least, they would have no power over me any longer. Hatred breeds bonds that never ungrasp -- but love, love is like golden threads through time that never end. It can erase and ease all things (at least I hope so).
Mary Agnes Antonopoulos
I spent six years working in law enforcement and saw plenty of men beat women, be "forgiven" and then end up killing or completely disfiguring the women.
Chris needs to do some hard time and find out what it feels like to be abused. His crime is not looked on as "manly" in prison. The inmates make a point of helping women and child abusers see the error of their ways.
He crossed the line, now he better be ready to play on that side.
April, feelings are feelings. Words are words. If I say, "I hate you," it is far different than whatever my feelings are. Putting it into words causes an action outside of myself. So, you don't have to ACT on a feeling, necessarily, your words already do that to some degree. That's where the whole "Law of Attraction" thing really took hold.
Look, having said that, I respect your right to feel and say whatever you need to. I do not say it is wrong. Who am I to say that? I do offer another viewpoint worth contemplation. And, as you can imagine, I did not come to this easily. That's all I'll say about that.
So here's the other thing, in response to a few others who wrote in after, FORGIVENESS has nothing to do with what happens to Chris next. That's important to understand. Forgiveness is for HER, not for him. It's an inside job. I hope that ends any debate about my post here.
Mary Agnes Antonopoulos
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