Just Another Manic Mommy

Dear Manic Mommy: How do I tell a very dear friend that I can't stand the behavior of her toddler? It is really difficult because my husband and I work really hard on keeping our toddlers disciplined and well-behaved, and every time we are around my good friend's kid, my kids pick up bad habits and manners. Any suggestions on how I can talk to my friend about her child's inappropriate behavior?

Manic Mommy: Unfortunately, I don't think you can tell your friend you can't stand her child's behavior. Not if you want to still be friends with her. The most you might be able to do is to drop hints, such as, "Doesn't it bother you when the boys kick and scream like that?" Lump them all together and maybe you can discuss it as if it's a joint problem so she doesn't see it as just her child being singled out (even though we all know it is her kid behaving badly!). Then, you could say, "How do you think we could stop them from behaving this way; it is so frustrating, and I'm not able to enjoy your company." If you take this subtle approach, you can at least gauge her reaction and see if it will spark a discussion, and you'll also be able to see if she is completely clueless to her son's behavior. Maybe she'll say, "You're right, I don't know what to do about Johnny's behavior!"

If she doesn't take your subtle hints or just doesn't care that her son behaves like an animal, then maybe the next time she wants to get together, you have to be less subtle and say, "You know, the last time the kids were all together, my boys were just really rambunctious (don't you just love that word?!), so I told them they've got to rethink their behavior until they can play with Johnny again."

If these suggestions seem too drastic and you're afraid that doing any of them will adversely affect your relationship with your friend, then you might just have to bite your tongue and give the kid the evil eye when his mom isn't looking.

And when you part ways, you should very strongly reinforce your family rules to your children, and let them know you will not tolerate behavior like that. When my kids are around kids whose behavior I don't agree with, I like to tell them that they've learned a very good lesson from so-and-so, and that is exactly what not to do!

Good luck, and I'm very interested to hear how this turns out!