Just Another Manic Mommy

Dear Manic Mommy: I have been married for over two years and my husband and mom are pressuring me to have children. I personally have not been "bitten" by the pregnancy bug and cannot foresee it in the next three to four years. Everyone around me is claiming that will be too old to start. What is your advice? Should we start because of some fake time clock or should we wait till I feel the urge? Will I ever feel the urge?

Sincerely, Feeling the Pressure

Manic Mommy: Dear Feeling the Pressure, this one has me in a quandary, because if you read a recent question I answered titled Dad or Not, I urged the writer to start his family immediately. (As a side note, to which I really was not sure when I answered that question, Dad or Not was none other than my own brother, looking for advice! We'll see if he fires up a little niece or nephew for me any time soon!)

One very important detail you left out is your age. Let's pretend you are 24 or younger. Then my answer (and this is based on my own personal feelings as a mom and a woman - and reading between the lines of your question) would be to definitely wait. In my opinion, you still have some time. You've only been married two years; you and your husband should enjoy your time together.

On the flip side, let's pretend you are on the verge of 30. I would still say to not rush into it. While the answer to Dad or Not was definitely start trying for a family, I sense you are really not ready. Dad or Not, aka MY BROTHER, mentioned he and his wife have been discussing the possibility of a family together, and have had conversations about baby names. In your letter, I see no interest on your part to have a baby. And hello! You are the one who will be carrying this child for nine months. You will be experiencing all the symptoms. You need to feel at least a little bit excited about wanting to start your family.

After my husband and I had been married for a few years, he was ready to start our family well before I was. I just wasn't bitten either. And there's nothing wrong with that! You may feel a change in the future, and I hope you will be open to the possibility of a family someday. But for now, please do not get pregnant only because you are feeling the pressure from other people.