Just Another Manic Mommy

Whose Business is my Baby Anyway?

Dear Manic Mommy: I am a single woman and three months pregnant thanks to a fertility bank. Can you please help me on how to answer people when they ask, "Who's the dad?" I don't feel like I should disclose all to casual acquaintances. Also any ideas on what to tell the baby about why he doesn't have a daddy?

Thank you, NH

Manic Mommy: Dear NH-First of all, congratulations for going after what you want and being brave enough to follow your dreams of motherhood! I think it's wonderful! I bet so many women don't look to the opportunities out there whether it is through fertility banks, adoption, or other options for motherhood and I say kudos to you for not forfeiting your chance to become a mother.

As for those people who may be inquiring as to who the father is, I would say it depends on who's asking. I'm sure your close friends and family already know your situation. If it's a casual acquaintance, you can be as vague as you feel comfortable. Use your judgment on how to reply depending on how well you know the person asking. You can say, "Well, I chose Donor #462 because of his high IQ and his blue eyes!" Or tell the person asking honestly that you were ready to become a mom and you hadn't met anyone who lived up to your expectations yet so you're going at it alone. Whatever you do, don't lie about it, and don't ever second-guess the decision you've made!

And I wouldn't worry about what you're going to tell your child about his father at this point. You may very well be involved with someone who will grow to love your child just as much as you do by the time he's old enough to know. If that doesn't happen, you can always just let him know you loved him so much and you knew he was out there and that you were meant to be his mother, which, to me, it's obvious that's the truth!