In the News

Why Can't We Be Honest?

Tips for full disclosure

-Steven Gaffney

The truth is we all lie. In fact, according to a national study, 91 percent of people admit to lying on a regular basis (and I wonder about the other 9 percent). We all lie or withhold information to some extent. It's not because we're all malicious or ethically flawed (though some may be), it is primarily because we are afraid. We may be afraid of hurting someone's feelings, or afraid of retribution, or afraid of permanently damaging a relationship, or afraid of a negative impact on our life, our career.

When you withhold feedback, you may think of it as "keeping the peace" -- whether that's at home or at work or in close friendships. To keep the peace, perhaps you've stopped telling your spouse how you feel about their lack of contribution to the household chores. Maybe you've even left a job because you just can't speak up about the real problem at work.

The trouble is that when you don't take steps to resolve issues, they don't go away. Instead, they escalate. They consume your thoughts and they threaten your relationships. So when you stop talking to your husband about the fact that he doesn't help with any of the housecleaning, the issue mushrooms. You feel more and more frustrated and less and less connected to him. And what could have been an easier conversation about a couple of occurrences can escalate into an unfocused and unproductive argument or into a silent and devastating retreat. read more...