Woman to Women

Mom's Dirty Little Secrets

What most mothers think but rarely say

-Mary Beth Sammons

I have a guilty confession to make, even if it is likely to jettison me out of my "Mother of the Year" status. I love my kids, but sometimes I fantasize about packing my moisturizer, a bathing suit and jumping on a plane and running away to some exotic beach locale to hide forever. Another guilty confession: I sometimes lie to my teenage kids - e.g., "I have to go to the grocery store" - when really, I am making a beeline for a latte and the comfy coach at Barnes & Noble and a good magazine because they are driving me crazy and I need a break.

And, sometimes I lie (well omit some parts of the whole truth) when people ask me about my kids. Like when I bump into the parents of the valedictorian of the high school, who is now on scholarship at Stanford, where he's doing a triple major, trekking to Australia and having finished first-place in his first Kona Ironman, and they ask me how my same-aged college son is doing. "Just fabulous, fantastic ... you know him, always busy." (When "busy" secretly translates to my very charismatic/always the life of the party/jock son who prefers girls to books, and rugby to books, and the health club to college, and I'm praying he will find a great career in sales). Or when nosy neighbors corner me in the grocery store: "So, how are your poor kids doing after the divorce? Are you okay?" What I really want to tell/slap them with is this: "Great, and how did you get so fat?" and other things I can't print here. But I cover my true feelings with a big smile and proclaim: "We're doing just great. Thanks for asking."

The good news is, I'm not the only mom with Dirty Little Secrets and private thoughts, according to moms Trisha Ashworth and Amy Nobile, who conducted interviews with hundreds of mothers while researching their best-selling book: Dirty Little Secrets from Otherwise Perfect Moms (Chronicle Books, $12.95). One of the authors' chief findings is that the vast majority of moms demonstrated the "22-minute threshold."

"For the first 22 minutes, they talked about how great everything was, and then they finally broke down and admitted how they really felt. They hadn't showered in four days, hadn't had sex in three weeks, felt like everyone else has it all together," the authors related recently on NBC's Today show. They hope that their books and Web site (http://reallygoodmom.com/) will help other moms realize that they are not alone. Here are some of the hidden "secrets" moms have:

You secretly wish you had your own apartment.

You lie to your friends about how much babysitting help you have.

Next time your husband goes out to Home Depot to "help" you, you think he should just stay there.

You signed up your kid for karate because the instructor is hot.

Do you ever lie to or about your kids?