Just Another Manic Mommy

Disney or Bust?

Dear Manic Mommy: I have a 2-year-old and a 4-year-old. My parents live nearby, have a great relationship with them and are our primary babysitters (plus child care every Thursday). I am going out of town with my husband for a wedding in May. My parents volunteered to watch the kids. Then they decided to take them to Florida. Then they decided to go to Orlando. Then they decided to go for 10 days. (We’ll only be gone for three and a half of those.) The plane tickets were booked by the time I found out about these plans. Then they decided to do Disney. I haven’t done Disney with the kids, and I really want to be the one to take them to Disney for the first time. My parents don’t get that, and they have no sense of boundaries. Knowing that I can’t blow them off or restrict their access, how do I get them to recognize our boundaries and respect them?

Manic Mommy: Wow. I mean, wow. When I first read this, I was floored. And I hate Disney with a passion and used to always joke that if my kids ever wanted to go to Disney, the grandparents would have to take them. But even as much as the idea of Disney made me cringe, just the experience of seeing the joy on your own children’s faces as they meet Mickey and the princesses for the first time is something parents should get to have firsthand, not on the video your parents bring home.

I think this is over-the-top boundary breaking for a parent to do to a grown child. I’m trying to see both sides. I’m sure your parents are wonderful, doting, loving, caring, giving parents who want absolutely nothing but THE best for your kids. But there are boundaries, and this is clearly a case of the invisible pet fence with dogs running around without their electric collars on. (With all due respect to your parents, I’m not saying they’re dogs; I’m just saying they are not respecting the invisible fence that is a your right to put up when it comes to certain boundaries and expectations.)

At this point, I’m guessing you can’t ask them not to take your kids on this vacation. The plans have been made. I do think you need to have a serious heart-to-heart with them, though, so they can start respecting you as the parent and primary decision maker for what you will or won’t allow for your children. And their taking your children away for 10 days — and out of the state, no less — without first clearing it with you is a big deal, in my book.