The Tipping List

Do you feel rejected when your 4-year-old is not invited to a classmate's birthday party?

Do you yell at the coach for not putting him in the game, or get angry if you feel another child disrespects him?

If so, you may be too emotionally involved in your child's life.

Parents who are overly emotionally involved in their children's lives have difficulty separating their feelings from those of their children. For example, a child who is not invited to a birthday party may not feel rejected. But his mother feels rejected for him, making the incident more about her than about him.

As parents, we want to protect our children from pain. But children must learn how to express their own emotions and soothe themselves when they feel hurt. Our job is to help them do this. A parent who is too emotionally involved can prevent her child from learning how to deal with life's frustrations by "fighting his battles for him."

Following are five tips for creating healthy parental boundaries:

1. Try to figure out where this tendency comes from. Were your parents too emotionally involved with your life?

2. When a difficult situation arises, talk with your child about his or her feelings rather than about your own.

3. Teach your child how to cope with feelings of rejection, sadness or anger. This will give him or her a lifelong sense of personal empowerment.

4. Allow your child to overcome difficult situations in his or her own way. What bothers you may simply roll off your child's back.

5. If you are unable to rein in your emotions, seek counseling. You may have some issues of your own to work through.