Woman to Women

Are you Friends with your Husband?

How friendship can sustain your marriage

By: Cheryl Wenzel

My husband and I have been married for more than 14 years. Throughout our relationship we've gone through various stages, from being head over heels in love to questioning why we ever got married in the first place. But through it all we've always remained friends.

Unfortunately, neither compatibility nor friendship, are regarded as being integral to a marriage. This is probably because marriage as an institution was traditionally created to sanction a union between two individuals who were ready to conceive children.
It is only recently, that society has begun to understand how important it is that a marriage is based on a foundation of friendship.

Most couples assume they'll be happy once they get married and that love will conquer all. Then one day a couple wake up to find that they feel like strangers to one another. Often this can be attributed to the daily stresses of married life; raising children and ultimately a breakdown in communication. But a big contributing factor is that their marriage wasn't built on a foundation of friendship. When my husband and I met, we became instant friends and then began dating. We share a romantic love, but we also like each other as people. In fact, our relationship has the same characteristics as a good friendship. We share similar values and goals, we laugh and complain about the same things, and we respect each other. Of course, we also argue and fight like friends!

We've kept our friendship and our marriage strong by appreciating and caring about each other's needs and being there when the chips are down. And in spite of any problems we're having we make sure to have fun together ... Fourteen years later; we're still madly in love.

Marriage isn't always easy, and sometimes you may feel like giving up. But if you have a strong friendship, in addition to the love you feel for each other, you will have a good chance of staying married "till death do you part."

Were you friends with your husband before you began dating?