Just Another Manic Mommy

Dear Manic Mommy: I have four kids: a 15-year-old boy, a 14-year-old girl, a 9-year-old boy and a 2-year-old boy. Why do the two older kids always gang up on the 9-year-old? It's gotten so bad that it's made the 9-year-old mean and deceiving.

Manic Mommy: Oh, I am feeling your pain. And I don't even have teenagers yet! It seems to me that you've got a couple of situations here (I don't want to call them problems). The first one is that your older kids are picking on your third child. The other situation is that this is causing your 9-year-old to be not so nice. I'm not sure which is more frustrating to you - are you bothered more by the two older kids' behavior or by your 9-year-old's reaction to their ganging up on him?

I think you need to start with the two older ones. At their ages, they should know better than to antagonize their younger brother to the point of making him lash out. If their actions are truly the cause of his meanness and deception, I would discuss some tactics with your older children and explain what the consequences will be if they start ganging up on your 9-year-old. If they cannot behave and do what is expected of them, then maybe it's time to start taking some of their privileges away.

I would also hold a family meeting. As dorky as that may sound, this is what I do with my kids whenever there is a problem among the three of them. I gather them all together and let them know there are not many people in the world who we can trust more than each other, and that these are the only brothers and sister they are ever going to have. When they shout that they wish they never had a brother or a sister, I tell them they are lucky to have siblings, because, while they might not realize it now, they'll be each other's permanent friend for life.